The Fat Guy and Buffets

Buffet

The word is buffet, and it is 300 years old, from the Old French, of “obscure origin” as the kids say, if the kids wrote etymological dictionaries. Obscure origin, but the word is more than making up for it three centuries later. They are everywhere.

Everywhere the Fat Guy lives, and everywhere he has been. I was raised in bowling alleys, ‘burbs and buffets. The bowling alleys will be another story, but the buffets were my fam’s favorite choice for food, at any hour of the day. There are breakfast buffets, lunch buffets, and dinner buffets. We chose them for the obvious reason that they are filled with food.

The Fat Guy likes getting his money’s worth, which pulls him into the buffet and keeps him going back for thirds and fourths because, hey, I just spent $14 bucks and I am still empty.

It doesn’t occur to the Fat Guy not to spend $14 in the first place, or that if he bought the more expensive, smaller portioned, better quality food, he might spend that night’s sleep time a little differently.

The Fat Guy has never been in the army, but he sometimes imagines the chow line looked like this.  Except for the prime rib.

When I was a kid there was a place called Marmac’s somewhere around here. They were a supper club looking place, with a bar, but it was a buffet.  And they had the prime rib, too.  We went there when we could afford it.  It seemed worth it, because, after all … we got — ate — our money’s worth.

[According to this, this restaurant still exists.]

As an adult, I still think along those lines: is this portion worth the price? Not the time or the experience, but amount (of food) compared to the amount (of money).

I’ve heard pastors joke about a verse in one of the epistles where St. Paul says he buffets his body. Hard “t” you see — not soft. And buffets of the sort we’re discussing here are definitely soft.

[The Greek actually says, I pummel my body.]

Anyway, the pastors joke that Saint Paul doesn’t mean he eats at all-you-can-eat restaurants — but that he subjects it to stress and discipline for a greater good.

But for the Fat Guy it does mean he eats at all-you-can-eat restaurants.

Recent

Trick Shot

Sometimes successful films — ones that aren’t expected to be, by many excellent people — spawn copycats, a fact as well-known as well-attested. The followers aren’t as awesome as the originals but they’re not always so awful, and the makers, if they care a little, will throw some new stuff in, or at least get people

Read More »

No Prizes for Subtlety

It was the sort of place you wouldn’t be found dead in; the guy on the floor didn’t agree. Didn’t seem to like the floor — but it was in better shape than his face. Then someone had gone duck hunting on his chest. And either another guy was standing in front of me, or

Read More »

Can We Tawk?

Comedienne Joan Rivers’ catchphrase was, ‘Can we talk?’ with all that that entails — its rhetorical nature, the Jewish thing, an implication that at least one of the parties will be better off for having done so … Like God. T’other day a priest spoke of ontological remembrance, the immediate and ongoing memory of past-present-future

Read More »

Hide and See

Something lost, Dallas Willard said once, might yet be very valuable. One’s car keys for instance. He was speaking somewhat in the context of salvation, if I recall … the general point was calling something lost doesn’t mean it’s not wanted — quite the opposite. Yet it remains … until finding its way out or being found

Read More »

Random

Plague Dog

During the lockdown read The Plague, turned page next to The Book of the Dun Cow. Not an immediately clear connection not least because Dun Cow is far lesser known. Both chronicle communities within a larger one within a larger world. First, of course, is the full circle vicious and virtual, during a pandemic; latter

Read More »

People do the Craziest Things

Adam — did he do what he did for love? Did he say, ‘I will join her; I can’t bear to be without her.’ — is that how it went down? He at after Eve; was it because he’d rather skulk around the earth a sojourner and pilgrim at the mercy of the people in that

Read More »

The Weighty Beauty of the IBM Selectric III

As Annie Dillard might say, I didn’t write this, I typed it. In fact, I typed it on a black 15″ IBM Selectric III — correction, a Correcting Selectric III, which began production, I am informed, in 1980. It’s the one I learned to type on and, I know now, began to learn to write.

Read More »

Related

Size 46 Walmart

There was a time when my weight goal was to fit into size 46/30 khakis from Walmart, and that time was last Thursday, when I bought them. I weigh some 334 pounds. I am 42 years old, heading to 43. I am officially diabetic, per my doctor’s adjudication of some recent unfortunate blood tests.* The

Read More »

The Fat Guy and Buttons

Buttons are the bane of the Fat Guy’s existence. Buttons leave gaps when the Fat Guy’s fat rolls jiggle around and peek through them. Buttons catch on drawer pulls, come undone at the belly, and are generally uncooperative. Buttons are generally on costlier clothing, which means the Fat Guy is spending too much money on

Read More »

Everything Works As Well As Well As Everything Else

For The Fat Guy, everything works as well as everything else. He’s tried everything. It all goes to hell. Ergo, everything works as well as everything else. Exercise No exercise High fat, low fat High carb, low carb High protein, low protein Fasting, cycling, three meals, six Also crying in one’s club soda. Works great.

Read More »