Dear _____ , (supporter, donor, customer, friend, co-afflicted)
In these _____ (unprecedented, challenging, dangerous, difficult) times, we know you’re _____ (standing strong, bearing up well, getting ripe, fingering the edge of the cleaver and gazing at your partner’s neck) and miss our _____ (plums, belly dancers, unmatched selection of fine wines, engine repair tutorials) as much as we wish we could offer them.
_____ , (Unfortunately, Bummer, Too damn bad, Ontologically), however, _____ (jack–booted brownshirt government thugs; miscreants, thugs, and scapegraces; current healthcare policies, our respective horoscopes) prevent us.
But _____ (never, sometimes, daily, maybe just a little) fear! We will _____ (soon, probably, any day now, by winter — absolute latest) be in a _____ (prime, mostly ready, greatly reduced) position to once again _____ (connect, circle back, partner, exchange goods and services for cash) with you.
Please bring the _____ . (cash)
That is, if you _____ (still want us, ha! ha!; wear a mask; pay in cash; aren’t agoraphobic by now) and continue to enjoy _____ (plums; zither music; humans, but not like that Twilight Zone, the one about the cookbook and the aliens; fine wine). Practice Safe Specs! Be _____ (aware you’re not the only aggrieved party, ready to back off, kind). Remember social distancing: the six feet we all seek is similar in length to _____ (an adult male, a broadsword or musket, two friends facing each other extending their arms outward with the fingertips … juusst barely, but not quite, touching, the depth of a grave).
And hey, have _____ (fun! extra gloves! your own disinfectant!)
See you _____ (around Christmas — remembering there are 12 Days of it, and that winter technically extends into mid-March).
_____ , (Cheers, Lotsa luck, Don’t cough)
In Vino _____ (Nevahmind)
Vegas Craps 1982
by LeRoy Neiman