Pumpkin Eater

Alex Rodriguez cheated. Took the easy way. Lied. And if he really does have faith, as he said after the Red Sox game Sunday, he knows he’s right out of Pinocchio.

His lawyer, however, appears to have no idea what a gigantic donkey he himself is.

To recap —

Ryan Dempster missed Rodriguez with his first try, plonking him with his second — in the same at bat. He was clearly throwing at him, and he should have been ejected.

Later, Rodriguez helped his team win with an RBI groundout and a colossal home run that, in baseball parlance, means screw you.

The next day Major League Baseball said essentially the same thing to Rodriguez lackey and lawyer, Joe Tacopina.

I say these — including the part about tossing Dempster — as a Sox fan. Hate the Yankees. And based on, oh, every single one of these types of things that get played out in the media every time for like forever, Rodriguez did what MLB said he did, and is what he is demonstrating himself to be, every time he opens his mouth.

And then his lawyer said, “I can’t talk about stuff” because of confidentiality agreements.

This is the guy who kills his parents and pleads for the court’s mercy because he’s an orphan. Because there is a way — assuming into account all possible legalities and technicalities — for everyone to let Rodriguez says publicly as much as he likes. As he does now.

Whatever it would take, whichever side would have to waive whatever dealios, there is a way.

Yahoo!’s Tim Brown says simply, and to both parties, bring it.

[Brown, by the way, is the guy to read on this. He writes about baseball the way Rod Carew or Tony Gwynn played it: with elegance and class, making contact nearly every time, and getting tons of hits. Think Ichiro. Jeff Passan writes like my dog plays baseball. But I digress.]

The one corrective I suggest is that the bit from the lawyer wasn’t even good enough to be a bluff. If he tried it in an actual poker game it would technically be known as bullshit.

Watching Rodriguez jerk his team around — right, they don’t want you to play — helps me hate them a little less.

A little.

Even more, I hope my Red Sox don’t do that again. Though we know it will come back on them, next time they play the Evil Empire.

Instead, I hope they take my wife’s advice, and walk Rodriguez every time he’s up. She says every team should.

Hitting him is basic and boring, not to mention lying, cheating, and taking the easy way. Instead, refuse to pitch to him. Walk him every time. If he insists he “just wants to play” … OK let him. His on-base percentage will go through the roof.

But he won’t hit another home run, not ever.

And his lawyer could stop braying to all fields.

Not that he would.

 

Note: MLB fined and suspended Ryan Dempster, and
Joe Girardi was fined, for their parts in Sunday’s events.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent

No Prizes for Subtlety

It was the sort of place you wouldn’t be found dead in; the guy on the floor didn’t agree. Didn’t seem to like the floor — but it was in better shape than his face. Then someone had gone duck hunting on his chest. And either another guy was standing in front of me, or

Read More »

Can We Tawk?

Comedienne Joan Rivers’ catchphrase was, ‘Can we talk?’ with all that that entails — its rhetorical nature, the Jewish thing, an implication that at least one of the parties will be better off for having done so … Like God. T’other day a priest spoke of ontological remembrance, the immediate and ongoing memory of past-present-future

Read More »

Hide and See

Something lost, Dallas Willard said once, might yet be very valuable. One’s car keys for instance. He was speaking somewhat in the context of salvation, if I recall … the general point was calling something lost doesn’t mean it’s not wanted — quite the opposite. Yet it remains … until finding its way out or being found

Read More »

Greater Love Blah Blah Blah

Do we doubt locals thanked them for their service? I’m not equating the two. They were wrong; glad we crushed them. Only noting it’s likely they thought as much about such things as we do, which is to say not much. German citizens who believed their leaders, loved their country, watched their sons get on

Read More »

Random

I See That Hand

We imagine Thomas even doubted himself. When the other disciples said Christ had risen, this earnest empiricist first said, “unless I see” … then he realized it wasn’t enough. So he demanded to “thrust my hands into His side.” For Thomas, seeing wasn’t believing. But touch … that he had hopes for. * Seeing isn’t

Read More »

Chiclet Chick Lit

In virtue of two females in the house reading it I have discovered a new (to me) genre and given it a new (to all) name, which title appears as the title of this post. Hermione is patron saint of females pre-sexual still satiated when tittering gleefully over Nancy Drew and Ned Nickerson, with New

Read More »

Columbo: Why It Matters

This is part two of a two-part post on why, some 45 years later, Columbo still matters. Part one is here. This essay is excerpted from The Columbo Case Files: Season One, found here. Thank you. * I now have the entire collection, all 35 years, nearly 70 episodes in all, and I’ve seen each

Read More »

Not For Teacher

There’s an unfortunate instructor-y thing where the guy on stage [I’ve found it’s usually a male doing this] asks a question he already knows the answer to, one of the people in the audience … err, classroom … is the target, the answer given is wrong, and the stagehand just goes and gives the answer

Read More »

Related

Greater Love Blah Blah Blah

Do we doubt locals thanked them for their service? I’m not equating the two. They were wrong; glad we crushed them. Only noting it’s likely they thought as much about such things as we do, which is to say not much. German citizens who believed their leaders, loved their country, watched their sons get on

Read More »

What We Need

Seek and find We all need something. I need a new power cord. They need to read the Psalms. You need to shop shouting at your kids. Guy on that bus bench needs a sandwich.  Two. Fellow on the couch at this Starbucks needs to stay off drugs. Woman talking to herself, petting a collie

Read More »

Just Win Baby

If Tim Tebow never plays another down as an NFL Quarterback it won’t be because he can’t. It will be because they say he can’t. I don’t even say “because they think he can’t,” since thinking — actually assessing the data they have in front of them — hasn’t been much involved here. And the bottom line

Read More »

Cursing With God

More battle scenes please Once teaching a high school American Literature class — and let me tell you, once is enough —a student he says, “I don’t understand The Red Badge of Courage.  It’s a war book, but there are hardly any battle scenes.  I don’t get it.” So we did a little Socratic dialogue, and

Read More »